Wednesday, April 6, 2016

"THE PERFECT STORM" Reviewish



Tried to watch THE PERFECT STORM on Netflix last night, didn't even get to the storm, which, as I recall, is the only good part.

But oh does Hollywood reveal itself in this smarmy, patronizing film, this elegy to all you poor little people out there in the audience, so noble in sacrificing your lives to put fish on the table of Hollywood stars. Mightily does George Clooney work to make these insignificant folk sound believable. Insipidly does he fail. The dialogue is monosyllabic, the characters less than cartoons, and the scenes always verge on the simple minded violence that Hollywood believes is rampant among those who cling to their guns and god
or whoever it is that they think they're portraying in this laughable movie.

For plot lines, we have the almost happy couple who go upstairs and do something to make the chandelier over the bar rock which every blue collar moron, I mean, fisherman, at the bar laughs uproariously at, because you know, dirty jokes are such great low class fun.

Then there's the 'fat girl', who isn't really fat, but certainly not someone who any aspiring George Clooney would be caught dead dating. But, Hollywood has been perceptive enough to recognize that many people in the USA do not aspire to be anorexic, and also presumably these 'fat' people have sex with others, even others who are not fabulously wealthy, as would be expected in LA. So this girl lets herself get picked up and considers herself lucky, as in the Hollywood code of ethics, she certainly should.

Another terrific plot line is the not very sexy guy who has a kid and is divorced from the cute girl. He gets in a fight when Mr. Blonde with muscles implies he's slept with Unsexy's ex-wife. Since I'm not a Navajo code talker, I couldn't figure out why the marriage broke up. Gambling? Drinking? So why does Mr. Unsexy get in a fistfight with Sexy for sleeping with his ex? For that matter, why did his ex, who seems a pretty decent sort of cute girl, sleep with Mr. Muscles? But apparently there is no explaining the violent and erratic behavior of the lower classes. It's all just F****** and Fighting. Or just the kind of low disgusting behavior you'd expect from people who probably don't even know what arugula is.

Watching this film makes you long for the days of the good old black and white movie where they seemed to understand that 'dees and does' characters were really no different from Hollywood stars.

George Clooney seems to believe that his mere smiling presence ennobles the common working man's plight. "Look," his performance announces with every smug grin, "I understand that you risk your life so I can eat halibut at a fancy restaurant and I appreciate that so much that I will bestow my beautiful self as a person like you, who is so limited that your life is virtually worthless, except to provide me with an occasional fish dinner."

Had to turn it off before I barfed.

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